Over used, stressed, and put out?

(a moment of peace while N is learning to be gentle with Grayson)                  (a moment of chaos while holding Grayson)

There is always going to be something asking for your attention, time, money, thoughts, help, etc.

Question is, where is my heart when I feel like I am giving giving giving, and not receiving much of anything in return?  

Heart Check 1.  Matthew 6:1-4 talks about giving as to receive a reward from God and not from the praise of man.  So there goes seeking a pat on the back :P.  And fact is God is patting me on the back like a parent does when a child does something right- and that's all I need!  Getting to be in a relationship with Him IS my reward.

Heart Check 2. Galatians 6:9-10 " Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
The Bible has so many places like this where God is trying to encourage us to keep going!  This is the kind of verse worth memorizing so that when I am exhausted and have a headache I can remind myself why I am doing it.  It's so easy to get weary sometimes and want to make excuses to be impatient, lazy, or feel entitled to just give up - but that's exactly the opposite of what God calls us to do!

Heart Check 3. The lyrics to Ginny Owens "I am nothing" are so sobering to me.  We do all these things, but if we don't love....if we aren't joyfully doing them for Christ, they're meaningless.  How many times do we expect a listening ear back when we've listened to someone through their vent/struggles?  How many times do we tell ourselves we deserve things?  I am so glad Jesus didn't have that attitude. "You know what, I have been healing people all day, so I think I am going to sit and listen to a bunch of people praise me for my awesomeness and eat ice cream."  Yikes!

(Fishing attempt #2...here-happy, only minutes later though, he was bottom-soaked from sitting in cold wetlands....sheesh)

 

So next time I feel like Nathaniel has taken ALL of my energy or I have done too much in a short period of time -I hope to think more of these 3 "Heart Checks."  And maybe learn to slow down a little too ;)

Dealing with the In-laws

The holidays are over and, if you're like me, you spent them with a bunch of family.  To make things a little smoother among my side's currently 25-person roster, it was decided to rotate the holidays between spouse families.  This year - Thanksgiving day and Christmas Eve with my side of the family and Christmas day with my husband's side.  Next year, we flip the order. However, this formula always gets a little bit more complicated than the set plan.  Something always happens where it ends up being half days with each side of the family all week.

Maybe splitting holiday commitments sounds familiar to you?  It's hard to please all family, especially when the families are not very far from one another.  In our case, both my side of the family and my husband's live within 30 minutes of each other.  Now, add in whatever drama that is unique to your family (and we have some too), and suddenly it feels like someone put you on top of a spinner. 

Don't get me wrong, I love both sides of my families and even like them :).  But it is hard not to be biased toward my biological side.  Especially considering the fact that you have had however many more years of holidays and experiences (good and bad) than what you married into.  So how do you make sure that both sides feel you don't hate/ aren't avoiding them?  You can't! Fully at least. 
What has worked from my experience...
1. Make trip plans known and clear
2. Spend quality time with both sides if quantity isn't an option
3. Do not put it all on you if it doesn't work out.  It happens, spending quality time with every single person is like getting a straight flush in poker.  And some people would rather sit around in quantity time anyway!

Also, don't forgot Genesis 2:24 - "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."  Being married and having a family of our own eliminates the "ok, you can go back to doing your own thang when we are doing this or that."  Gatherings will become complicated as the family grows, but you still have to take care of your own family.  David and I make sure that even in all of the hustle and bustle of spending time with family because it allows us to make sure our relationship and family is healthy - which provides us with the opportunity to truly enjoy our time with family. 

THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT

(James, Seth, and Nathaniel.  I pray they grow to spread the

Good News together and/or wherever they may live)

Sometimes, it can be hard to understand the phenomenon of when a “ball is passed into someone else's court.”  An illustration:

You: Hey, you want to hang out?

Other: Sure!  Let me get back to you!

You (significant time later): Sooo...how does Wed or Thur look for you?

Other: __________ (no response)

Now, I know people (friends or family) get busy, lose their phones, forget, or possibly, and hopefully the most unlikely scenario, are purposefully avoiding you.  But, for the purpose of this discussion, let’s assume this occurs multiple times.  For clarification, I have been the perpetrator and unintentionally forgotten to respond after some time, but in being receiver and the person on the waiting end, I can definitely say that waiting for the ball to be passed back is the hardest part.  So much so that it is tempting to assume the worst about people.  So, here is what God is teaching me about assuming the best:

Acts 2: 42-47 The Fellowship of the Believers

⁴² They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³ Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶ Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

One of my first thoughts after reading this was that I don't think God is saying you have to be in fellowship with every believer within a 10 mile radius.  Heck, the church I go to is over 1000 people!  My direct family ALONE is 25! However, the reality is that building relationships does involve a metaphorical passing back and forth of the ball. This “passing” creates the opportunities for us to actually spend time with one another and enjoy the fellowship that we have. 

Now, have I met people along the way, been in fellowship for a time, and gone our separate ways? Yep.  Many times.  I also recognize that I won't enjoy or have commonalities with everyone, and that's ok.

But, I also am confident that the Lord created relationships for a purpose, and not just to spend time together.  One of the purposes is for us to encourage one another so that we can “Go and make disciples of ALL nations...." Matthew 28:19.  Our fellowship together can be balanced and can equip us to carry out the purpose of our lives – to share the gospel and be representations of Christ to others. 

I say all that to say this. Relationships are extremely helpful in our walk with the Lord.  They help us be encouraged, see our flaws, and help move us towards being better at sharing and living the Gospel.  So, when you have passed the ball into someone else’s court, be patient.  Trust the Lord, search your heart, keep on encouraging them, and keep on trying to connect with others.  We are not called to assume the worst, but to “have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” 1 Peter 3: 8.

Christmas is next week- talk about a great opportunity to be in fellowship!  I encourage you to boldly, yet gently, open some conversations with family members who aren't believers or believers that you may have unresolved conflicts.

 

(good friends of ours fellowshipping with us in celebration of Nathaniel turning 1)

 
 

The difference between hearing and processing

(Nathaniel "processing" Hickory Dickory Dock)

I was reading in Revelation this morning, finished a chapter, and got maybe one thought out of it.
Sure, Revelation isn't an easy read, but aren't I just wasting my time and making it less appealing to read my Bible every day if I can't remember a thing from it?
My Dad use to ask me weekly "have you read your Bible lately?" followed up by "what did you learn?" in which I learned quickly that the two are supposed to go together.  Now being married, David and I try to do the same thing, but there's something to be said about the loving authority my Dad provided that put a little more kick in the pants to get on it!

All this got me thinking about when I listen to speakers, or even friends sharing a story, do I always process what they're saying?  Or do I zone out sometimes and pick up the gist of it? (friends, it's usually not intentional, I promise! You can't say you haven't done the same :P)

Ex 1- "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb" Rev 7:10.  It belongs to Him?  This is one of the verses I originally skimmed over.  However, having highlighted at some point in the past, I revisited it realizing I wasn't fully sure what it was saying.
Salvation is defined by the Bible as being saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Soooo it belongs to Him because it was made possible by Him.  Of course, believing and walking by faith is a choice we make and we can be thankful that a loving God who has power over everything, also has the power to forgive us of our sins.

Ex 2- Making bread.  You can't skim the recipe and expect to know exactly how to make it.  I have a friend who gave me an amazing bread recipe(you're welcome!), and unless you pay attention to the details of how long you let it rise, how much of each ingredient, etc....you will have a complete fail.
Now I have the recipe memorized, and I am even able to branch out with adding new ingredients to make it more flavorful!  But just like our relationship with God, we can't expect to know how to live like Christ by half listening.  We have to be willing to learn.  Focus.  Desire to know Him, even if that means we have to change to see Christ "more flavorfully" (new word?). 

(a slice of the amazing bread is part of a balanced diet ;))

12 Things I am glad they did or wish someone had told me before having Nathaniel

 

 

1.* Nap when he naps, and let others do the cooking and cleaning.

 

2.  Have a song/lullaby/hum to sing to your baby to sleep.  Ideally singing it while they're in you so they recognize it, but it's more to add to their routine and keep you sane.  I sing "In Christ Alone" for naps and "Dream Train"(family song) for bed.

 

3. Buy a bunch of reusable breast pads-they're so small, they can go in any wash of clothes, and they save money!

 

4.  Do NOT be afraid/ashamed to ask for help!  It truly takes a village...that's gotta be in the Bible somewhere...hah!  And this includes asking the husband.  He may have no clue what to do, but if you make him part of a routine (he changes the diaper, passes the baby to you, you feed, he rocks to sleep) it will make him feel useful in this crazy change of pace.

 

5. Practice writing and signing their name at least a couple times.  It is really awkward trying to sign a name at the doctor's office when the only other time you write in cursive is your own name.

 

6.* Make an effort to take a bath (and then a shower if you feel nasty) every day.

 

7. Put something over their "spicket" while changing diapers, and for boys point it down as you go to put the diaper on to be sure he doesn't pee out the side.

 

8. Breastfeeding can be boring.  I learned to use my phone with one hand, and have plenty of TV shows to watch while stuck in a chair feeding.  It's also good to have distraction from the soreness/pain.

 

9.*  Start having a date night with your spouse as soon as you're up for leaving them a couple hours.  I can't stress the importance of getting out, even when it doesn't seem worth the hassle.  A babysitter is worth it, so add that to your budget or take turns watching someone else's kid.

 

10.  As much as you want all the cute stuff, being prepared for them is much more simple than what  BabysRUs wants you to register for.  A car seat, place for them to sleep, some diapers, and a couple outfits are the basics if you're breastfeeding.  And hopefully you have friends you can borrow stuff from since you never know if your child will love/hate that $100 swing.  But more than likely you won't take my word for it and you'll be returning things just like I did :P.

 

11. Babies cry for a reason.  It's their ONLY way of communicating with you, so consider it healthy and try to solve the puzzle.  Sometimes it's as simple as needing to pass gas, or it could be they're over-tired making it that much harder to get them to sleep and stop crying.  The key is to not stress yourself out from it, and know you're NOT spoiling them by holding them and keeping them from crying.  Who can blame them for loving being in your arms where they can hear the heartbeat they've heard for 40+/- weeks, and the temperature is just right?

 

 

 

12. It's ok to spit up!  It's usually a sign that either they drank too much, something wasn't sitting well with them, or they're not feeling well...usually. Don't worry about making up for food lost- it's the baby's body's "I don't want that part" reaction.  Note, throw up is totally different.

 

 

*=I was graced with this knowledge beforehand

 

Holding to hopelessness

 

(photo taken by Leigh and Becca - LeighandBecca.com)

 

Observation: Complaining creates a deep hole of self pity that makes seeing Christ's love incredibly difficult.  We lose sight of Christ and our mission to love one another, and create a cycle where we only focus on ourselves and our discomfort/displeasure/discontentment. 

 

^14 "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain." Philippians 2

Growing up, my Dad would always sing the verse-inspired song "a joyful heart makes a cheerful face (3x), do you HAVE a cheerful face?!" in which he'd get real close to our faces and usually tickle us until we did have a cheerful face. However, if we were set on being grumpy, he also would conversationally quote Phil 2:14 because the song only worked if we were partially grumpy. So I guess you could say it's a pet peeve of mine to hear someone complain- it's not shining like a star for Christ, it's holding to perceived hopelessness! 

Take Job for example:
“I loathe my very life;
    therefore I will give free rein to my complaint
    and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.
 I say to God: Do not declare me guilty,
    but tell me what charges you have against me.
³Does it please you to oppress me,
    to spurn the work of your hands,
    while you smile on the plans of the wicked."


I admire his honesty with God.  But it's with God.  Our complaining to each other or ourselves is not beneficial (there is a difference between complaining and sharing your pains with someone for help or prayer).  Job obviously was crying out to God because He is the only one that can do something about it.  Our daily situations generally have something to do with our actions (or complacency), and we have to choose whether we are going to listen to and live for Christ or stay in "woe is me" land.

^" Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.  Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other."1 Thessalonians 5:10-13

Building up and loving on those that are working hard; for you this could be your career, tending the yard, changing a diaper, spiritually encouraging one another, etc.. Building also requires a strong foundation.  If we want to grow, we have to be willing to take healthy criticism and challenge ourselves while living in Christ's hope for our lives.  A joyful heart in all we do isn't easy, but man oh man will it allow for Christ's light to shine!

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

  

Balancing relationships

Choices:

• Spend time in the Word or take a nap
• Clean the house or play with Nathaniel
• Watch a TV show or talk with David
• Stay home or hang out with a friend

When Nathaniel was exactly 6 weeks old, I went back to work part time.  I would breastfeed him right before I left, think about him while I was working, and think about work when I was with him.  I applaud you Moms who have the ability to keep up with work and also have an infant, but I was running on fumes. I felt like I was always making it a big deal to decide between showing Nathaniel attention or something work related that I found pressing. 

Now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I'm starting to see that making difficult choices with my time has not disappeared.  Even though I learned to do a million two handed or squatting activities while he was sleeping or super happy (i.e. cutting things up for dinner, taking a shower, cleaning the bathroom, putting clothes on, etc.), I found that much of his contentment probably had a lot to do with him being held or in an infant-carrier on me.  I tried to let him do laundry, but, if you can see the picture, he is still getting the hang of it :), but at least he likes it -"Happy baby leads to happy Mom!"

Despite my multitasking during his periods of contentment, I had to learn what the Bible says about the choices I make and what is worth prioritizing in many moments. For example:

• Naps are amazing, but am I making sure to find rest in the Lord as well?
• Psalm 4:8
• I have to have a clean house so Nathaniel doesn't eat unknown things, but am I making sure to appreciate and love on Nathaniel as he grows at this oober fast pace?
• Ephesians 6:4
• Everyone needs time to relax, but can I not also find relaxation in hanging out with David?
• Song of Songs
• It's important to not overdo yourself and give your child(ren) somewhat a routine, but God also calls us to be in fellowship with one another and not let our fears get in the way of walking in faith. 
• Matthew 18:20

Now...take Nathaniel Trick or Treating, or hang out with friends? Or both?!